A New Creation
From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. ~ 1 Corinthians 5:16-17
For me as a new creature in Christ, the transformation has been in waves. Unlike the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly which happens in a matter of days, mine has been a process of years. It will actually end up being decades. I will not have my true form until I reach the Presence of the LORD in heaven; none of us will! While that may be disheartening that we are always in flux on this side of heaven, it is a reason to offer much grace to ourselves and others!
I shall not recount all the waves of transformation that have occurred throughout my life, just the two most significant to this point. The one which I refer to as “My Great Awakening” occurred in May 2012 when I was on staff at my church part-time working with the youth, substitute teaching, tutoring in Math and English, and attending seminary. Honestly, I was trying to do far more than was realistic. I met with three pairs of parents of church youth over the course of 6 days, and in all conversations I heard, “We don’t like the program you’re doing with the youth; you’re not doing it right.” To be clear, all parents were kind and gracious and not giving direct condemnation, but my mind and heart heard otherwise. God was using those conversations to tear down the idol of Perfection. He had been doing it over the course of several months, and these conversations were the final swipe. Down came the idol! And with it crashed my identity.
Over my 36 years of life, I had believed I was perfect and that others also believed it to be so. While it is ridiculous to think so in retrospect, I want to admit that I did truly live with that belief! I wouldn’t have been able to articulate it at the time, but it was true nonetheless. Once God revealed that indeed I was NOT perfect and that people did not think I was, it was as if I lost everything familiar. I no longer knew who I was. I was hurtled back to adolescence trying to figure out who I was now that I was no longer “Perfect Alisa.”
Enter the Enneagram onto the scene. I had heard of it from my sister a few years prior, and our church began using it for personal and staff development around this time. Additionally my dad - who was on staff with me as lead pastor - gave me The Gift of Being Yourself by David Benner. I used those tools along with the Bible, a Christian counselor, prayer, and speaking with friends to discover my True Identity as a Daughter of the King of kings.
Through the process of learning my personality type on the Enneagram, I found comfort knowing that I am not the only one in the world for whom perfection is a core struggle. I discovered that my desire to be right and thought of as good and for justice is shared by approximately 1/9 of the world. I was baffled when I learned that the core weakness of the Enneagram type 1 is anger. I discussed this with a fellow type 1 who said that the anger is directed at the self rather than others. That made loads of sense for me! I was angry at myself that I failed to be perfect 100% of the time. Awareness has got to be at least 50% of the battle. Once we are aware of our weaknesses and tendencies, we can make steps towards healing and growth
Skip ahead several years to me living in another state with another job and set of dilemmas. I made the decision to leave the second church in 2 ½ years. Between the hardship to find a good fit for a church home in Sheridan, and with an employer, I knew that I was unable to put the blame onto others. I suspected the issue was my tendency to believe that my way is the right way, and the only way. Moreover, I want others to know this truth and often tell them so unkindly. Thankfully the power of the Holy Spirit and my improving self-awareness brought this to my attention before I made too great of damage. I was stuck and needed help. Because of my work with the Enneagram, I knew that the difficulty stemmed from my personality type. God directed me to an Enneagram coach. While we had never met in person, because of her knowledge of the Enneagram she was able to coach me through the situations and dig to uncover what I needed to learn and how I needed to change. It was of immense benefit; so much so that I have continued working with her as my life coach for the past 4 years.
I am continually learning and growing until I will indeed be Perfect Alisa in Eternity. But until that day when I meet my Savior Jesus face to face, I will continue to stumble and fall short of perfection. But I am in Christ; I am a new creature, “the old [Alisa] has passed away; behold, the new has come!”
